The Curse of Wrigley Field

Are you afraid of being one of those lame people who are put into a coffin and buried after you die? Fear not old Cubs fans, Dennis Mascari has come up with a way to guarantee that Alfonso Soriano’s awful fielding will continue to haunt you into the after life.

He’s going to have you interred in Wrigley Field’s center field wall … kind of. Via the Chicago Tribune:

A Chicago man and Bohemian National Cemetery on the city’s North Side are joining forces to build for Cubs fans a final resting place that looks a lot like the spot where they saw their dreams of a pennant die year after year.

Called “Beyond the Vines,” the 24-foot long ivy-covered wall is designed to look like the one in dead center at Wrigley Field.

Ha! Dead center field. Who knew death would be so funny.

Now if you find this a tad ridiculous, Mr. Don Rood says, “Phooey to you!”

“What else are you going to do, lay in a box next to loved ones?” he asked. “It would symbolize what your passion is, what you enjoyed about your life.”

Exactly. Family and friends are really a waste of time and they do keep you from your true passions: Cubs baseball, alcohol, porn, you name it. In fact, if you’re a single Cubs fan over the age of 21, then now is the best time to kick the can before obstacles like loved ones ruin your life.

Anyway, having the, uh, priviledge of being interred at Beyond the Vines will set you back some. Buying a seat in one of the “eternal skyboxes” as they’ve been dubbed, will cost as much as $5,000 according to the article. But, if you’re lucky enough to already be dead and cremated, it will only cost as little as $1,200. So, you know, die and be cremated before this thing gets built.